have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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