i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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