I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
