im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
