she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
