Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
