i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
