At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
