she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
