i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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