It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
