lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
