a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
