I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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