I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
