My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
