i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
