he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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