what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
