He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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