Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
