I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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