i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
