are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sacagawea was the original milf.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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