apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
3 2 1 whiskey
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
