I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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