I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
