I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
