The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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