I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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