FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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