I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
