see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
