i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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