I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
