Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
