that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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