theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
