i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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