yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
