Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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