so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
