Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
