Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
