I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
