i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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