On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
