i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
