can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He passed out mid-signature
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
