we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Couch. On fire.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
