I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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