OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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