Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
